Confidence is Sexy..

I live in Northern California. So it’s inevitable that I know someone who trims pot for a living. It’s how she pays her rent. Trimmers are exactly what the name implies. With a small pair of scissors they trim the buds to make them look pretty. Trimmers make decent money, $30 an hour or more depending on their speed. Please don’t quit your job and relocate with that figure beckoning. The market is saturated. And growers don’t offer a benefits package, unless you consider the medicinal qualities of weed advantageous.

English: Close up shot of some high quality ma...
Perfectly trimmed..

Trimming is generally accomplished on site. Is the reason obvious? Pot farms are well guarded. You don’t take your work home with you. Each trimmer is set up with their own station, and the necessary tools: a tiny pair of scissors, bowls, and plastic bags, maybe a lamp to see what you’re doing. My acquaintance works for a particular male grower who hires women trimmers exclusively. I’ll cut to the chase: he offers an additional $5 an hour for each hour the women work topless. $5 an hour extra! That’s substantial. No touching, no groping, just leering. He’s the perfect gentleman. Really? I didn’t just say that.

Can’t sue this guy for harassment. I find it disquieting. My acquaintance, on the other hand, thinks little of it. She shucks her shirt for the extra cash. What’s the difference, she says, centerfolds in Playboy earn much more. My point exactly, I respond, don’t you wish women would stop doing that?

Recently there was a kerfuffle with Danica Patrick, the racecar driver. She prefers that the press describe her as something other than sexy. Commendable, on the surface. Until you view her ads. Or worse, listen to her deliver a line about keeping her beaver safe and out of sight. What the? Ms. Patrick earns a pace car full of money strutting around in revealing attire uttering double entendres.

Dressed for work (Photo credit: Tony Stork Photography)

Our interior lives are sometimes secret even to us. When we shuck our shirts for cash, and rationalize our decision all the way to the bank, that secret will gurgle to the surface eventually, and we will feel not only regret, but diminished. Maybe Danica’s inner life is no longer a secret to her.

Audrina Patridge, one of the young women depicted devouring a dripping Carl’s Jr hamburger wearing next to nothing is haunted by the ad. Instead of her name, her fans shout Carl’s Jr! Her family derides her. I can’t decide if I want to shake those women, or hug them, and assure them they have more to offer than what they portray.

The climate surrounding these ads seems more debased than ever. It’s like the scene out of the film It’s a Wonderful Life, where Bedford Falls degenerates into Pottersville.

It's a Wonderful Life

Parents raising daughters are well aware of the challenges of promoting self-esteem. What about parents raising boys? Isn’t that the greater challenge? Or at least an equal responsibility? Raising men who are not threatened by a woman’s intellect and strength, men whose agenda is not to diminish but to respect.

In Liza Mundy’s, The Richer Sex, we learn that forty percent of working wives earn more than their husbands. More than fifty percent of college and university students are women. Both those numbers will continue to rise, unless something drastic happens to alter our course. With all the toxic rhetoric that surrounds us in this political spectacle, we ought to be vigilant. Women are ascending. Shucking shirts for cash, literally and metaphorically, may at first feel liberating, until it doesn’t. It’s up to us. Confidence. Confidence is sexy.

Thanks for listening!





35 thoughts on “Confidence is Sexy..

  1. I am impressed Steph! This piece starting with topless pot shuckers and ending with gender respect was quite a ride, indeed! My friend and I recently had a conversation about raising children. She as the mom to a boy, me as mom to two girls. I spoke of my need to empower my daughters, to help build self-esteem, self-worth and confidence, while she spoke of the need to teach her son that women were worth more then their physical appearance. What a tough job we both have!
    Jackie recently posted..DirtyMy Profile

    1. Thanks Jackie for your nice comment! You and your friend are way ahead of me, and have terrific kids to prove it, I’m sure. Lucky kids. It is a tough job, isn’t it. They need help sorting through the confusing images and messages. A full-time job. I’m happy that it sounds like you are up to the task! Thanks for reading!

  2. Thoughtful post.

    On the one hand, I support a woman’s right to do what she wants with her body. If an extra $5/hour means she bares her breasts, and she’s not coerced, so be it. On the other hand, it is of course putting a value on what she’s showing – and $5 isn’t what it’s worth. At least not in my opinion.

    And if Danica (or anyone) wants to be known as something other than sexy, she is responsible for the image as much as the consumers’ perception.
    Kristin recently posted..Willing Cost of a Clean MindMy Profile

    1. Hi Kristin. Indeed Danica is responsible for her image. She, or anyone, can’t have it both ways. You can’t produce that GoDaddy commercial and then turn around and get huffy when someone calls you sexy. I find the beaver commercial in such bad taste it is beyond words. Not sure if I can agree with placing a value on shucking your shirt. Tricky territory. But, certainly, a woman has an absolute right to do what she wants with her body. Thanks for your thoughtful comment. By the way, I love your avatar.

  3. Man, there is so much to talk about here, I hardly know where to start!

    I hope my kiddo never feels that for $5 bucks more an hour she needs to do something that she feels personally degrading.

    I hope that she surrounds herself with men who treat women *and* men with equal respect and dignity.

    I hope I or our society don’t cripple her sexuality to the point where degradation and empowerment are indistinguishable, and I hope that if she ever finds herself in a situation where she can feel sexually liberated and empowered and *safe* and interested, that we haven’t conditioned her against it.

    Also, I wish Carl’s Jr. would choke on its own transfats.
    Ben recently posted..The Beard Behind the Curtain, in Which I Get CheatyMy Profile

    1. Hi Ben. Thanks for the great comment. I’d say your kiddo stands a better chance than many of recognizing all those points. Lucky girl. I like the point of crippling her sexuality by the confusion of degradation and empowerment becoming indistinguishable. We’re fairly close to that right now. Some young women simply don’t have role models to model. And the media feeds the frenzy, creates it. And I agree completely that we need to surround ourselves and certainly our kids with both women and men who treat each other with respect. And ditto on Carl’s Jr choking on transfats… Thanks for the thoughtful comment.

  4. I really appreciate the point about raising sons to respect women! It’s a side I often don’t think about but it’s equally as important as trying to instill self-respect in daughters. Thanks!
    Susan recently posted..Here Comes the RoarMy Profile

    1. Hi Susan. We don’t always take into account what the boys are bombarded with. Misogynistic video games, dumb guy beer commercials, to name but 2 out of a non-stop array. If boys grow up confident they will be more likely to respect confidence in women. My 2 cents, for what its worth. Thanks for commenting.

  5. I hate Carls Jr. for using that type of advertising. And wasn’t Carl Karcher anti-abortion? Hmmmmm. Pro sexualization of women & pro-life. Makes ya think.

    I hope that the generations of young women will be compelled to show off their sexy brains rather than their sexy girl parts.

    Very thoughtful and thought provoking post.
    Jennifer recently posted..Signed, Sealed, DeliveredMy Profile

    1. Thanks Jennifer. I’m with you.. I so hope that this type of advertising will recede. It will if women place more emphasis on their brains, as you say. We can all help in one way or another. Thanks for reading.

  6. I am a boy mom, so I do believe that raising them the right way will be fundamental to the way women are viewed in society. Women who shuck their shirts for cash do it because they think that’s what men want. Society makes us think sex sells. And sadly, it does.
    Alison@Mama Wants This recently posted..The BellyMy Profile

  7. Sad that pot trimmers make more than teachers where I live. Also, I despise Carl’s jun and refuse to eat there b/c of asinine commercials.
    Robbie recently posted.."That Age"My Profile

    1. Hi Robbie. Their hourly wage might be higher than teachers, and I agree, that’s sad. But, if it’s any consolation, the work is not steady, there’s a lot of competition, and they have to scramble to find work. My acquaintance is always complaining about how she needs work. So I suggest she try other venues. But, she won’t, because of that hourly wage. Unfortunate. One could expand on the politics of minimum wage, etc. but I’ll save that for another post. Thanks for reading.

  8. Have you seen the NEWEST Carl’s Jr. commercial? It’s Sport’s Illustrated’s Kate Upton (Google her) and she’s falling all over the seat sweating from the heat of her sandwich. I told my husband I actually hate it. And the one with the girl in the bathing suit walking by the pool. What about the chunky moms wearing sweats and running their kids around, picking up fastfood because it’s FAST?

    Great post.
    Kim Pugliano @The G is Silent recently posted..Comment on Mama Drama by Mayor GiaMy Profile

    1. Hi Kim. Thanks for the comment. I have seen them. Of all the sex-fueled ads out there, and there are countless, I find Carl’s Jr to be the most revolting. I wish the women would stop, just stop it. I could not buy a hamburger there, that’s for sure. Thanks for reading.

  9. My girls are 15 months old and I feel like I have a blank canvas that the media keeps trying to fill for me. It’s a struggle and a challenge but one I’m ready to fight ([(
    Jamie recently about the blogMy Profile

    1. Hi Jamie. Good for you! That’s the spirit. The challenges will pay off, won’t they? Of course they will. Thanks for reading..

  10. Well, I’ve got three boys and one girl and I think about what I’m teaching them as far as self-esteem and respecting the other gender just about DAILY. Love that you concluded with the remark about confidence. I want my kids growing up with the skills to make good decisions. Being self-assured would certainly help in that regard!
    Sarah Reinhart @littlewhitewhale recently posted..underwear for your headMy Profile

    1. Hi Sarah. The choices we make in life is all about self-assurance isn’t it? My own self-esteem is not what I’d like it to be, so I’m always on the lookout for how that manifests itself. The choices young women make…geez…are all based on that. Raising both boys and girls you would know better than most on how best to accomplish that. Thanks for your comment.

  11. Wow – call me naive but I can’t belief anyone would shuck their shirts for cash. How degrading. This was a post that made me think. I’m not sure I agree that raising boys is the greater challenge – could be – I think that it’s both males and females who are the challenge. The more powerful women become the less they will be inclined to shuck their shirt for any amount of cash.

    1. I agree completely. I meant to convey that raising boys to become men who choose equals as their partners, who value their woman’s strength, is just as important as raising girls who value themselves. I appreciate your thoughtful response. Thank you.

  12. I was just trying to explain to my daughter the other day why I did not like GoDaddy’s ads and why I thought Danica could have made a better choice. Similar to the conversation I had last year with her in Vegas when she saw all the stripper cards on the ground.

    1. Hi Andi. Your daughter’s a fortunate girl to have you for her parent. Danica made great strides for women in choosing a career dominated by men. And then she chooses to use her celebrity to turn around and demean them. I find this sad. She may still turn it around. I hope so. Thanks for your thoughtful comment.

  13. This was smart and so well-written. Confidence is sexy and women are ascending. We need to keep that going.
    Fantastic post.

  14. I don’t know any pot trimmers but I do know some PTA gals who shuck more than their shirts on the weekends in a neighboring county to make some cash. I wouldn’t be able to look my kids in the face if I resorted to that. I want my girls to grow up being strong and confident and I want them to use their brain, not their boobs to get ahead in life.

    1. Hi Delilah. Your girls are in smart and capable hands. I can’t imagine shucking my shirt for extra cash. In fact, unless I were desperate I would walk away from that situation entirely, fully clothed. Thanks for reading.

  15. Couldn’t be a better time for this with the current climate of anti-woman messages and the Rush Limbaughs (I use his name to represent the whole classless lot of women-haters) of the world. Confidence comes from strength and strength comes from saying no to things that are bad for us. I feel bad for all the women you named and I feel like nothing is more important than getting girls to love themselves for who they are inside. Erin

    1. Absolutely, Erin. I couldn’t agree more. Saying no to things that are bad for us, and to recognize what those things are before we do them, rather than recognize them when they come back to haunt us. Thanks for reading!

  16. I feel so boring living here in Central Texas! I don’t know any pot trimmers, shirt-shucking women or the name of one single racecar driver. Thanks for a funny, wise and enlightening post.

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